Journal of my journey

This is my journal of the journey I am undertaking, moving from my present position in which I am taking practically every refusal as an insult or a threat to my ego. I hope (soon) to reach a place in which I do not take a refusal as a threat but rather, just what it is, some set of circumstances that decree that my desired outcome is different to the actual outcome.
15th Jan. 2009
Today, I wanted to put my car in the underground car-parking whilst out of the country on holiday. I was refused, on various grounds, all of which I found odd and disagreeable. As the phone conversation went on, it became obvious to me that I was not going to be allowed to park my car, despite my having done so several months earlier when I went to England to bury my mother.

This time, the outcome was different – the manager, for whatever reason, would not allow me to park my car. I took this personally, thought of him as being against me personally for some reason/s, some of which I guessed at without any foundation of truth. This all resulted in my getting ‘hot under the collar’ as we say, and I increasingly felt unwell.

The only explanation I came up with is that by virtue of my feeling personally threatened and insulted, my physical and emotional response was to initiate a fight/flight readiness which resulted in what felt like an adrenalin rush – most unpleasant it was.

I later went back to the office, met the manager face to face and apologized for being rude to him during our phone conversation. I also added that as I still thought it was not too much to ask, but plainly too much for him, I told him politely that I wanted nothing more to do with him.

That last repost was, I fear, still illustrative of my heated state, though I was upset inwardly rather than showing any anger to him.

It is a step. Not a very big one, I grant you, but a step in the right direction, though I do not feel I can rest on my laurels, as we say. Far from it, I feel that such circumstances present me with a test which I must undergo, the better to come nearer to my ultimate goal, which is not allowing my ego to speak for me. Only Robert Leslie Fielding may do that, not some inner mechanism over which, as yet, I still do not have as much control as I am going to have at this journey's conclusion.
Robert L. Fielding

Partial explanation

The onset of a stress response is associated with specific physiological actions in the sympathetic nervous system, both directly and indirectly through the release of epinephrine and to a lesser extent norepinephrine from the medulla of the adrenal glands.

The release is triggered by acetylcholine released from pre-ganglionic sympathetic nerves. These catecholamine hormones facilitate immediate physical reactions by triggering increases in heart rate and breathing, constricting blood vessels in many parts of the body - but not in muscles (vasodilation), brain, lungs and heart - and tightening muscles.

An abundance of catecholamines at neuroreceptor sites facilitates reliance on spontaneous or intuitive behaviors often related to combat or escape.
Normally, when a person is in a serene, unstimulated state, the "firing" of neurons in the locus ceruleus is minimal.

A novel stimulus, once perceived, is relayed from the sensory cortex of the brain through the thalamus to the brain stem. That route of signaling increases the rate of noradrenergic activity in the locus ceruleus, and the person becomes alert and attentive to the environment.

If a stimulus is perceived as a threat, a more intense and prolonged discharge of the locus ceruleus activates the sympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system (Thase & Howland, 1995). The activation of the sympathetic nervous system leads to the release of norepinephrine from nerve endings acting on the heart, blood vessels, respiratory centers, and other sites.

The ensuing physiological changes constitute a major part of the acute stress response. The other major player in the acute stress response is the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_stress_reaction
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When secreted into the bloodstream, it rapidly prepares the body for action in emergency situations. The hormone boosts the supply of oxygen and glucose to the brain and muscles, while suppressing other non-emergency bodily processes (digestion in particular).

It increases heart rate and stroke volume, dilates the pupils, and constricts arterioles in the skin and gastrointestinal tract while dilating arterioles in skeletal muscles. It elevates the blood sugar level by increasing catabolism of glycogen to glucose in the liver, and at the same time begins the breakdown of lipids in fat cells. Like some other stress hormones, epinephrine has a suppressive effect on the immune system.[5]

Although epinephrine does not have any psychoactive effects, stress or arousal also releases norepinephrine in the brain. Norepinephrine has similar actions in the body, but is also psychoactive.

The type of action in various cell types depends on their expression of adrenergic receptors.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epinephrine
Robert L. Fielding